The art of communicating authentically is a learned skill. It requires instruction and application to do well. Authentic communication requires that you be truthful, open and deliberate in what you say as well as in how you listen and respond to what others say. This tool describes four skills that will help leaders communicate authentically.

Speak From Your Own Viewpoint

The best leaders share their opinions frankly. They do not try to conceal their concerns. An effective way is to personalize what you say, assuming responsibility for your opinions, values, and positions, instead of generalizing or placing blame outside of yourself. Say, “I feel disappointed about our progress,” rather than, “This group is the pits.”

This method lowers the defenses of your hearers by not deflecting blame away from yourself. Nobody can assert that you are not concerned or that you are more hopeful that you are willing to show. “I prefer to start at nine exactly” is unambiguous; “You are late again! You hold us up every week” is guaranteed to provoke a defensive reaction.

Another way people conceal what they actually think is by warping their opinions in questions. “Are you planning to make that statement in public?” is a way of assailing the listening, not gathering information. “I would prefer you not say that in your presentation” is a negative statement, but it clearly recognizes that this is your opinion and not absolute.

Does it seem like nitpicking? It’s not really. The major difference is in the kind of response you seek to evoke from your listeners.

Adjust Your Communication Style

Everyone has natural communication style. These styles can be scientifically broken down into four categories: Directors, Expressers, Thinkers and Harmonizers. The Straight Talk® communication survey will help you to discover your communication style, as well as the styles of others. You will also find pointers to help make your communication more effective and well-balanced.

Once you understand your communication style, you’ll have a deeper appreciation of what it takes to communicate into someone’s “listening space.” Directors, for example, want information in quick, bottom line bullet points. Expressers want a fuller exploration of different options and ideas. Thinkers want to hear the detailed thinking behind a proposal. And Harmonizers want to know how any plan will affect people.

The most effective communicators tailor their style to fit their audience. By tailoring their style, they help people relax and feel more receptive to what they’re saying. This makes them more successful as managers and leaders. As needed, they also make overt reference to differences in style to defuse tension and resolve conflicts between styles. This goes a long way toward building trust.

Use Powerful Listening

Powerful listening is an active skill. An effective listener doesn’t only pay attention to a speaker’s words, but searches out the point of view that lies beneath them. Powerful listeners pick up on the subtle intonation, facial expressions and context, then they reply in a way that shows they have understood the speaker’s intent as well as his or her actual words. They listen to understand, rather than spending the time constructing their rebutal.

One way to be sure you understand exactly what the speaker means, and to communicate your understanding, is by reflecting back to the speaker what you believe he or she is saying. Paraphrasing means more than repeating their words. It means restating the speaker’s position in your own words, taking into account the non-verbal signs you see and the tone of voice you hear.

To introduce a paraphrase, you might say “It sounds as if . . .” or “I can see that . . .” Paraphrasing is also invaluable when you disagree with someone and must, nonetheless, offer an encouraging reply. If you can echo the speaker’s position, the speaker will know that, even though the two of you disagree, you respect him enough to listen attentively.

Paraphrasing lets the speaker make his or her position clearer, as well. He may say: “Yes, that’s it.” Or he may respond: “You know, let me clarify a bit.” That prepares the ground for a more in-depth conversation in which you will act as facilitator.

Remember that 60 percent of communication is non-verbal. That is, if you only listen to a speaker’s words, you disregard more than half of the conversation.

It’s not enough to listen; you also must show that you are listening. Maintain eye contact, lean forward, nod, vocalize agreement when appropriate by saying, “I see,” “Um hmm”; take notes if that is appropriate. Do not wave at passers-by, lean back with your arms crossed, watch the TV, wear sun glasses, pay attention to external events, or look at your watch. Rather, learn to focus completely on the conversation in which you are participating.

Make Your Communication Data-Driven

Data-driven communication requires that you do two things:

First, you bring your assumptions into the open. “I assume that we’re going to experience the same downturn in the economy everyone else in our industry is experiencing.”

Next, you seek out missing facts. You inquire: “Does anybody have facts that would help me make my assumptions more accurate?”

When your communication is data-driven, you seek to bring other people’s assumptions and concerns into the conversation. You ask: “Help me understand your thinking. What you assume will being to manifest itself?”

When you’re data-driven, you make sure you bring issues to the table. If there’s an exchange in the hallway that is relevant, you share it with everyone. If you’re experiencing confusion or discomfort, you let people know (recognizing that if you’re experiencing it, others are likely to be experiencing it, too). If there’s an issue you feel you can’t raise without suffering some grave consequence, you consult the chair or someone else in a position to help you develop a strategy.

Data-driven communicators deal in specifics and use definite examples to help everyone reach a common understanding of the situation. You don’t become trapped by generalizations; you bring in concrete examples to help your hearers see whether you are referring to a 2% rise in expenditures or a 20% rise.

Finally, when you’re data-driven, you stay humble. You assume that you don’t see things perfectly. You ask for other people’s points of view. You recognize that people can be misled by the “assumption of competence.” You appreciate that people who assume they are competent are usually the least competent among us.

Many studies have shown that “the assumption of competence” is higher in those who are least competent in various activities.

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